Letters to the Gods
by blue2dolphin2
Summary: "Dear Gods. I am coming to set olympus on FIRE! The PYROMANIAC!" Someone (i.e. Hades) decided to make it possible to send a letter to Olympus. Here are the letters. T for a bit of language.
1. Chapter 1

Normally Olympus is protected from really annoying and dangerous stuff. Except someone (*cough* Hades! *cough*) decided to break that protection. Now the olympians are being bombarded with really annoying mail. From everyone. Everyone.

Seriously, it's like everyone somehow found out about this (or Hades put an announcement on the Percy Jackson Intercom) and sent a letter out to the world.

Damn.

Introducing…LETTERS

Dear Zeus

Why am I the mail carrier? We get so much mail now (thanks Hades) that it's really not fair. Can't we do shifts?

Annoyed Hermes whose arms ache

Dear Hermes

I will consider your shift idea, but why couldn't you just cross the throne room and ask me?

Zeus

Dear Hermes and Zeus

Fuck your stupid idea!

No way am I carrying the mail! My nails will break and I spent ages painting them! AAAAAAHH! I DON"T WANT TO! ARES! Tell them I don't have to! PLEEEAAAAASSSSE! AND GET ME A NEW TOGA, WITH OLIVE LEAF EMBROIDERY 1 IN AZURE!

Angry, bratty Aphrodite.

Dear everyone

Like we need to add more mail to the load? Get your lazy asses off your thrones and walk fifty metres to talk to each other?

Athena who is angry because she is on mail shift

Dear Zeus

FUCK YOU! (x100)

Hades who is planning more stunts (and hates Zeus. Well actually everyone on this goddamn mountain. But mostly Zeus.)

Dear Apollo

Can you come down here and meet us? I mean the hair, and the shades, and the hair, and the general awesomeness, and sungoddedness (It's a word, Deedee!) and did we mention hair?

Your fangirls.

P.S: Can Aphrodite come down to and show us some beauty tips?

Dear Gods

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Funny clown.

Dear Gods

Y U NO GIVE US THRONES ON HERE? IT VERY SAD. I MEAN COME ON, WE CONTROL WORLD TOO! WE EQUAL! Y U TREAT US LIKE WE INFERIOR? WE NO INFERIOR!

Angry Minor Gods

P.S: When some dark force rises we shall side with it and not you losers. GO KRONOS!

Dear Artemis

Can me and my friends join the hunt? PLEEEEAAAAASSSE!

From Deedee (Apollo's fangirl)

Dear Aphrodite

Will you date me?

Random mortal guy

P.S I know you're way out of my league, but pleeeaaaaassse.

Dear Hephaestus

Can you come down here and fix my house? Plus change Deb's lightbulb and Pierre's chalet? And don't forget Delphina's italian villa. And make a bunch of cool stuff so I don't have to buy christmas presents. And some more so Deb, Pierre and Delphina (my best friends ever) don't have to buy them either? Please!

Mark the broke DIY failure.

P.S: If I say that Delphina's villa is Greek, will you be more likely to do it?

Dear Gods

I am coming to set olympus on FIRE!

The PYROMANIAC!

"**OK, this is stupid." Hephaestus said, basically voicing everyone's opinion. "No way am I fixing the houses of 'Mark the broke DIY failure' and his friends."**

"**Agreed! We cannot listen to the ridiculous demands of mortals." Artemis said as she started walking over with a whole bunch of mail. "Now read these and put me out of my misery."**

"**I think we should wait." Apollo said. "And not just to annoy Artemis, although that is a perk. Also to write letters back.**

"**OK." Zeus said. "I will allow that to be done."**

"**We were gonna do it anyway, FYI!" Aphrodite said. "ARES! I WANT MY TOGA."**

"**No-one listens to me anymore." Zeus huffed.**

Dear Zeus

Hahahaha! I love your reaction. Ohhhhh, that was an awesome prank. GO ME. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hades!

"**That's annoying." Zeus frowned. "He's laughing at me! ME!"**

"**So am I. Sorry bro." Poseidon snorted.**

"**Yeah, it's pretty funny." Hera laughed.**

"**STOP LAUGHING AND WRITE BACK."**

Dear Hades

I'm so gonna get you!

Zeus

Dear fangirls

I am way too busy to come meet you. I mean, between my beauty routine and keeping the sun going, I have no time. Sorry.

Apollo

"**You so have time." Artemis said. "You just lounge around all day."**

"**I know, they're annoying. They mentioned my hair like four times. Although my hair is pretty awesome."**

"**It was three." Athena put in.**

Dear Funny clown

That is NOT FUNNY! You should go to like comedy school because that was terrible!

Athena on behalf of all gods.

Dear Minor Gods

As I have explained on many, many, many, _many, many _occasions, there is only room for twelve thrones on Mount Olympus. And if you side with a dark force, I can squash you, you idiots.

Zeus.

Dear Random Mortal Guy

I WILL NOT DATE YOU! I AM WAY OUT OF THE LEAGUE OF EVERYONE IN THE MORTAL WORLD! I WILL ONLY DATE YOU IF YOU CAN GET ME AN OLYMPIAN SILK FABRIC TOGA WITH OLIVE LEAF PATTERN 1 IN AZURE! PLUS I AM ALREADY MARRIED TO HEPHAESTUS AND DATING ARES.

Aphrodite

**"Stop writing in capitals, you're using all the pen." Hephaestus huffed.**

Dear Mark the broke DIY failure

I am way too busy to fix your stuff. How about, like the rest of the mortal world, you and your (best and only) friends hire a workman? Ever thought of that?

Hephaestus.

Dear Deedee

I can't allow mortals to be in the hunt, especially not ones who are fangirls of my brother. Because you have to have nothing towards men! What is the big deal about my brother anyway? I mean, I'm the moon god. And I hunt and actually DO STUFF. _Apollo_ just sits around and writes poetry and plays his stupid harp thing.

Artemis

Dear Pyromaniac

You can't get to Olympus and set it on FIRE, you clown. You are a mortal! DUHHHH!

Hera

P.S: Even if you could get up here, Zeus would squash you and Poseidon would put out your fire!

"That's done." Athena sighed.

"No it's not." Hermes said, ducking as mail came flying over his head.

"I'm really not bothered to pick this up." Demeter said.

"Let's just chill." Zeus said.

"I was going to chill anyway." Demeter smirked.

"See! No one! No one!"


	2. Chapter 2

"**OK, more mail." Ares sighed.**

"**When will this stop?" Zeus complained.**

Dear Zeus

NEVER! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hades

"**OK, here are some more." Hermes dumped a ton of letters.**

"**Mail carrier. Aren't you going to pass them around?" Aphrodite asked.**

"**1. You know I am Hermes, not 'mail carrier' and 2. get off your overdressed arse and pick them up."**

Dear Hera

Can you divorce Zeus and come down here and date me?

Lovestruck idiot

Dear Aphrodite

Can you date me and all my friends? I can't get my love an Olympian silk toga with Olive Leaf Embroidery 1 in azure, but I can get a chinese silk dress with cherry blossom embroidery 56 in sky!

Random mortal guy

Dear Demeter

Can you bring some of your famous cereal down here and come to the Cereal Enthusiasts club? There are 4 of us- I am Beatrice and I like cereal, the one next to me likes cereal, Arianabelisalia likes cereal and so does Nameless.

Beatrice

CEO of the cereal enthusiasts.

Dear Zeus

Don't be dumb. You and your pathetic olympians couldn't defeat us. You know why? Fact you would know if you actually payed attention to us- Every time there is a new invention- a god(dess) is created for it. So we have a god of iPads, a god of iPhones, a goddess of Siri, a god of the internet, a goddess of pie, a god of Hello Kitty (I have no idea why it isn't a goddess, though that guy is kind of camp.) Plus a god of NUCLEAR WEAPONS! Which Poseidon can't put out with water, and would make you grow three extra heads (sadly, that wouldn't make you smarter) or something. NUCLEAR WEAPONS will pwn your pathetic Greek Fire and thunderbolts! RADIOACTIVITY RULE! HAHA!

HA!

Hahahahahahahaha!

Morpheus

CEO of the Minor Gods and Goddesses

"**Do you think this Radioactivity could harm us?" Aphrodite asked.**

"**No, I'm sure it's an empty threat darling." Ares answered.**

"**Wait. This is Nagasaki after a Nuclear Weapon attack. It says that 70 years later there is still a lot of illness!" Athena looked up from the 9****th**** grade history book she was reading."**

"**These are mortals. I'm sure we're safe." Zeus relaxed, then groaned as he saw more mail.**

Dear Dionysus

Provide us with free wine. You can come to our party. Loud music, drinks, nice closets to make out in and drunkenness! Haha! But we need some free wine or there will never be enough drunkenness! FREE WINE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Partiers who are really, _really_ high.

Dear Apollo

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! Can you do your fucking job? We never get any fucking sun in fucking Britain. Give us some fucking sun as we are turning as fucking pale as fucking Hades!

Sun-starved, pale British people

"**Wow. 15 swear words in one two line letter." Artemis mused.**

"**I liked the fangirls better." Apollo pouted.**

"**I have no sympathy. Go buy some premium hair gel to make your pathetic, arrogant, irritating self feel better." Artemis replied.**

Dear Gods

I really don't see why you can't give Phonus and Paddus a spot on Olympus. I mean, Apple products are way better than cereal. Come on. As well as Siria, she's a sweetie. But please not Kittius, that guy is just sad. I mean SAD!

The Apple enthusiasts

"**What are 'iPhones' and "iPads". And how can they be made by an apple?" Aphrodite asked.**

"**Yeah." everyone agreed.**

"**Athena?" Zeus prompted.**

"**What?" she asked.**

"**What are these inventions?" Zeus asked.**

"**Oh, frivolous things. I have no idea. Now leave me alone, I was reading War and Peace."**

Dear Athena

Can you come and tutor the no-hopers at this school? You would be needed at 3-6, every afternoon to teach them maths, literature, language, everything, really.

Marianne Margate, Babblebrooks High

Dear Gods

I will find a way!

The PYROMANIAC!

Dear Apollo

We are going to kidnap you and force you to kiss all of us! Mwahahahahaha.

Apollo's evil fangirls

"OK, that's it. This cannot go on any longer! It's official now." Zeus announced.

"Just because you say it's official doesn't make it official. We all decided it was official yesterday." Hermes said.

"No one!" Zeus complained to himself.

"Let's write back." sighed Artemis

Dear Lovestruck Idiot

That is honestly the worst penname ever. And no way will I divorce the king of gods! It gives me power. What kind of person would give up that power? God, you're irritating, now I feel for Aphrodite!

Exasperated, frustrated, general-ated Hera

RANDOM MORTAL GUY

I SAID I WOULD DATE YOU IF YOU GOT ME AN OLYMPIAN SILK TOGA WITH OLIVE LEAF EMBROIDERY 1 IN AZURE NOT A CHINESE SILK DRESS WITH CHERRY BLOSSON EMBROIDERY 56 IN SKY. THERE IS A MASSIVE DIFFERENCE, YOU RETARD!

Aphrodite (who is way too good for you. I have more prettiness in half a finger than you and your friends do combined.)

"**Seriously, stop it with the capital letters." Hephaestus moaned. "Thank Hades there are no more letters from Mark the broke DIY failure."**

"**Actually, you shouldn't thank Hades, you should thank Mark the broke DIY failure." put in Athena.**

Dear Beatrice and the Cereal Enthusiasts

It is lovely to know that you feel that way about cereal, but you know perfectly well that my cereal is only for the gods of Mount Olympus, who enjoy it very much (Yes, we do, don't we, Apollo?) and I'm sure they would be sad if I gave it away.

Demeter

P.S.: Tell the Apple Enthusiasts that cereal completely pwns these iDevices

Dear Morpheus

I am sure you would not be stupid enough to attack with a mortal weapon when we have celestial weapons, you prat!

No wonder I don't give you thrones on Olympus

Zeus

Dear Really, Really high partiers

My wine is far too fine (yes, I know that rhymed!) for me to just give it away! I mean, what do you think I am, generous? LOLZ!

Dionysus

Dear Sun-Starved British People

You guys can sure swear. Anyhow, I give all my sun to cool places, like Greece, and India, and the Beach Land. Get something that rates cool on the Apollo Scale and maybe I'll help.

And stop swearing at me! That will be a good start!

Apollo (who prefers his fangirls…)

Dear Apple Enthusiasts

Who are Phonus and Paddus and Siria? Anyway, we are traditional and we will not be toppled. Damn. Now I will have to write the same letter to you people and Morpheus. Oh this is thunderbolting great.

Zeus (who is really sick of these frigging letters)

Dear Ms. Margate

Do you really think an Olympian has time to tutor your failure of a student body? I mean that's like three hours of my day! Come on, if you thought that, then you need to be tutored too, by someone who isn't me.

Athena (who hates the stupidity circulating the mortal world)

Dear Evil Fangirls

If you are evil you should be fans of Hades! And mortals can't get up here stupid fangirls. For god's sakes go and get brains.

Apollo (who, on second thoughts, prefers the sun-starved people of Britain)

Dear PYROMANIAC!

I have told you already, it is impossible to set Olympus on fire.

Hera


	3. Chapter 3

"**When will this ever end?" Aphrodite asked. "I curse Hades and hope that he gets shut in Tartarus."**

"**Ow!" Artemis shrieked as a letter hit her on the the head. "Mail's here, guys."**

Dear Dionysus

We heard about the Apple, Apple and Cereal Enthusiasts. So we made our own club, the Wine + Drugs + Partying Enthusiasts. Now can we have free wine? Ampheta and Clubba gave us some free stuff, can we have free stuff from you?

Partiers who are really, _really _high

P.S: They're naming gods really unoriginally aren't they? I mean Ampheta gave us amphetamines! You're not Winus, are you? Are you? We don't know, we are too high.

Dear Gods

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

HEEHEE!

Funny clown.

"**That guy is not funny." Athena said.**

"**Agreed. Are we done? I want my Olympian silk toga with-" Aphrodite said.**

"**WE KNOW ABOUT YOUR FUCKING OLYMPIAN SILK TOGA WITH GRAPE PATTERN WHATEVER! And no. We're not done." Zeus shouted.**

"**It's OLIVE LEAF pattern!"**

"**I really don't care!"**

Dear Gods

Enjoying this? No? Good! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hades (who totally pwned you! HA!)

Dear Apollo

We are your biggest fans! Aah! Please come meet us, it'll be fun! I'm sure you get bored up there with your stuffy sister. If you won't come down here to meet us, can you at least tell her that the sun totally pwns the moon, and that poetry and the lyra (?) completely pwn hunting.

Your fangirls

'**Sure." Apollo muttered to himself.**

"**Artemis, the sun pwns the moon and the lyre pwns hunting!" he shouted across the throne room.**

"**Doesn't!"**

Dear Zeus

Can you blast Tray Quick with a thunderbolt for me? I mean come on, that guy is a douche, and I mean it will take you one second. He lives on Swan Street. But I mean only blast him, I mean I would get really mad if you killed Melissa Wanham. And I mean look at her, I mean she's sweet.

Mr Ian Mean

Dear Zeus

By the way, we are in the process of celestialfying (I think that is a word) NUCLEAR WEAPONS! WE WILL PWN YOU AND TAKE OVER. 

RADIOACTIVITY RULE!

Morpheus, CEO of the Minor Gods

"**Can people stop using the word pwn!" Athena exclaimed, rolling her eyes.**

"**Hey The-The, there's one for you!" Apollo said, picking up a random piece of mail.**

"**If you don't stop calling me that, I will kill your lyre. And leave its corpse on your throne."**

Dear Athena

Why did you kill my pigeon? I love chocolate cake. Are you a goddess? Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala! I was ill two weeks, three days and four hours ago. I am a human. Do you like annoying orange? NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA! Wooohoooo!

Astri the nonsense chick

Dear Athena

Pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn Pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn HA!

The PWN guy

Dear Hephaestus

In response to your previous letter, I cannot hire a workman, I'M BROKE! I believe you would glean something from my penname. Also can you fix Valerie's apartment? And don't forget my house and Deb's lightbulb and Pierre's chalet and Delphina's Italigreek villa.

Mark the broke DIY failure

Dear Aphrodite

Please can you date me? I found a Greek chiffon dress with Olive Leaf Embroidery 6 in azure. And I can get you a sari!

Random Mortal Guy

"**Gods, this guy is stupid. I don't want a Greek chiffon dress, I want an Olympian Silk toga with-"**

"**We know!" shouted everyone, except Demeter and Ares as she was trying to make him eat cereal.**

Dear Hera

You suck! Marriage sucks! I hate my life! My husband is sooo annoying!

Bethany U. Suckham

"**I sympathise with her." Hera remarked.**

"**Hey!" Zeus protested.**

"**Replying?" Artemis prompted.**

"**Let's start." Apollo sighed.**

Dear Drugs+ Wine+ Partying Enthusiasts

If you don't know what my name is, then clearly you do not need any kind of alcohol or drugs. And what were Ampheta and Clubba thinking? Idiots. I'm gonna go talk to them. Sober up! Wine is to be enjoyed in small doses, not to be guzzled without even thinking of the taste! Do not besmirch the name of wine!

Dionysus (not Winus, you high people)

Dear Funny Clown

You're NOT FUNNY! GET USED TO IT!

Gods in general

Dear Fangirls

I am very flattered by your letter, but I wish to inform you that it is a lyre and not a lyra. And yes, Artemis is very boring. **("Hey!")** I do get quite bored.

Apollo

Dear I. Mean

It is impossible to blast one person with the master bolt, you dumbass. It does not work on that scale. Nor on the scale of streets. We're talking towns here, retard! Get with it!

Zeus

Dear Morpheus

Celestialfying is not a word. And don't even try to take over with celestial radioactivty. You do know if you lose, we will cast you into Tartarus, you fools.

Zeus

P.S.: You should have gone with celestial_**i**_fying.

Dear Astri the nonsense chick

I have no idea what you are talking about, and I don't know how to reply apart from: "DO NOT WRITE TO ME EVER AGAIN! YOU ARE WORSE THAN MARIANNE MARGATE!"

Athena

Dear the PWN guy

You just use the word pwn because you think it makes you sound cool. Well it makes you sound like a sad tryhard. What is it with the word pwn anyway? It can't even be a word, no vowels or y's. Grammar 101! Plus it makes it sound like you're the _porn_ guy or something.

Athena

Dear Mark the broke DIY failure

I will not fix anything of yours or any of your friends'! Seriously, I'm sure that you know someone who will fix your house. I bet it's not that bad.

Hephaestus

P.S.: Write to me again, and you will pay.

Dear Random Mortal Guy

I will not date you, nor do I want any kind of Greek chiffon dress. What is not clear about 'Olympian Silk'? Holy Zeus!

Aphrodite

"**At least you cooled down on the capitals." Artemis remarked.**

"**Yeah, I went to Meditatea yesterday, she has shown me some good anger management techiniques!"**

"**And God knows you need them!" Apollo muttered.**

"**WHAT DID YOU SAY! OY! TAKE IT BACK!" Aphrodite yelled**.

Dear Bethany U. Suckham

I sympathise with you (Zeus is reeeeaaaalllly annoying sometimes), but I do not suck! That is an insult. Anyway, without me and my marriage and childbirth powers, you wouldn't even exist, you inferior mortal.

Hera

"**Is it over?" Zeus asked.**

Dear Gods

NEVER!

Hades

"**Sigh."**


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi. Sorry. I am a terrible human. I have not updated this in ages, so sorry. Anyway, I hope this chapter makes up for it._

"**Is this ever going to end?" Athena asked.**

"**Probably not." Aphrodite answered.**

Dear Gods

DEFINITELY NOT! HAHAHAHA!

Hades

Dear Apollo

Please come meet us!(+5000 more exclamation marks). I mean, there's hair, and sungoddedness (It is a word, Deedee, how many times do I have to tell you?). And tell Demeter that cereal is stupid.

Your Fangirls

"**Why do I keep getting asked to try and pwn other-"**

"**And cleverer?" Artemis put in.**

"**Other gods?" Apollo finished, glaring at his sister. "OK, Demeter, cereal is stupid."**

**A bunch of wheat hit him in the face. "Owww!"**

"**Cereal-" Demeter stood up, hands on her hips. "Is so much better than poetry or that dumb mini harp."**

"**It's a LYRE!" Apollo shouted.**

"**Calm down, guys." Zeus said.**

"**NO!" They continued screaming insults about the mini harp and the stupidity of wheat.**

"**No one listens to me. Ever."**

Dear Gods

I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!

The PYROMANIAC!

Dear Zeus

Enjoying this? By the way, I put a new announcement on the Percy Jackson Intercom. People who didn't know about this before now know. Have a good life.

Haha. Kidding. Actually, I hope that everyone turns against you because you kept sleeping with their significant others/sisters/friends, helps me take over Olympus and then stick you in Tartarus.

Hades (again)

P.S: But, seriously, dude, stop sleeping with so many women.

Dear Hera

By the way, are you wearing cowskin right now?

Bethany U. Suckham

P.S: BTW, any advice on serial cheater husbands who won't stop sleeping with random women?

Dear Gods

You know what? Nucleara is almost ready to go. All we have to do is (Ok, sure Keyboarde, I won't tell them). Actually, I'm not gonna tell you. Anyways, soon we'll just (OK, Snowus. You're right, I nearly did it again.)

(OK, thanks, Kittius, I didn't think it was the smoothest letter)

(Yes, iTunesa, I have heard of sarcasm.)

(OK, shut up all of you, I'm not an idiot.)

(I don't appreciate your input, Pencilla!)

Morpheus, Honourable and Respected CEO of the Minor Gods

_(In your dreams)_

GET OUT OF MY LETTER, SNOWUS! AND YOU KEYBOARDE! OH YEAH, YOU TOO, PENCILLA, AND KITTIUS, AND iTUNESA! (_BTW, you're still not respected.)_RIGHT, THAT'S IT! I'M LOWERING YOUR SALARIES TO 14 DRACHMAS A WEEK! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! SECRETARIA, GET ME SOME BLOODY COFFEE!

Wait, there was a talk-and–write quill here as well? Shoot. That's it, 13 drachmas.

Dear Hephaestus

Mark reeeaaaalllly needs your help. And so do I (Delphina, from a trashed Italigreek Villa). So do I. (Pierre, the dude in the stereotypical beret). And me! (Valerie, the- actually, what can I define myself as?)

Deb the broke failure at fixing lightbulbs.

P.S: By the way, Mark didn't want to pay, so of course we had to find a way around it!

P.P.S. BTW, how much money does he have to pay?

Dear Athena

BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW!

The BTW girl (the PWN guy's wife.)

P.S: BTW!

"**I had no idea that there were so many idiots around the mortal world!" Athena mused.**

"**At least I didn't get another letter from that Random Guy." Aphrodite said.**

"**Oh, by the way, I've got you your toga." Ares said.**

**"Thanks, babe. HEEEEYYYYY! THIS ISN'T AZURE, IT'S ROYAL! ROYAL BLUE? REALLY, YOU PRAT? HOW HARD IS IT TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE?"**

"**Actually, it is pretty hard." Ares muttered, then scarpered.**

"**How does he put up with her?" Artemis mused.**

"**I HEARD THAT?"**

"**I finished with her millenia ago. She was too annoying. Best decision of my life." Hephaestus said.**

"**I think a good decision would be to do that thing of writing back." Apollo said.**

"**Go." Artemis said**

Dear Fangirls

I CAN'T COME MEET YOU! JEEZ! But, you're totally right about Demeter. Cereal sucks. And tell that to the Cereal Enthusiasts.

Apollo the Awesome (Like the alliteration, hey?)

Dear the PYROMANIAC!

How many times do I fricking have to tell you? _You cannot set Olympus on fire with mortal fire!_

Artemis (who has to do it today, because she didn't get a letter from someone else)

Dear Hades

I do not sleep with that many women! I mean there was only Alina, and Carmen, and Freya-fine and Annabelisalia the Cereal Enthusiast.

No, Hera, it wasn't all from last week!

Fine, it was!

DAMN IT! A TALK-AND-WRITE QUILL? I AM GOING TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK WITH QUILLA! MORPHEUS SHOULD HAVE NEVER ACTIVATED HER BROTHER!

Zeus

Dear Bethany U. Suckham

I sympathise with you greatly. You know, we have soooo much in common, and you are one of the less annoying mortals. I think we should be penfriends. And BTW, that will only work if you stop asking me questions about what I'm wearing.

(I am wearing cowskin though. What do you like to wear?)

Hera, your new BFF.

Dear Morpheus

SERIOUSLY! Your little 'nuclear weapons' thing will never work. And that was the klutziest letter in the world.

However, I agree with you on the point that talk-and-writes suck.

And what is a CEO? Maybe I can be one!

Zeus

Dear Deb (too lazy to do the rest)

I will not help your friends. If I get one more letter from Delphina, Valerie, Pierre, or Mark, I will personally- you don't want to know!

Hephaestus

P.S.: HA! I pwned your way out!

P.P.S.: You know perfectly well what kind of pay I mean.

"**That is totally sad." Apollo laughed. "Trying to be like a minor god."**

"**Right, that's it. MASTER BOLT TIME!"**

**Crackle. Fizzle. Hiss. Dead Master Bolt.**

"**HEPHAESTUS! WHAT DID YOU DO? FIX THIS!"**

"**Yessir!" Hephaestus grinned.**

"**Apollo, stop annoying me!"**

"**Yessir!"**

"**Aphrodite, put the weapons down!"**

"**Yessir!"**

"**Athena, call Meditatea. I think Aphrodite here needs another session."**

"**Yessi- Hey wait, I'm not your secretary."**

"**Yeah well, now you are."**

"**Not."**

"**MASTER BOLT T-HANG ON, THE POWER'S OUT! COME ON!"**

Dear BTW girl

STOP IT! AND TELL YOUR HUSBAND TO F*** OFF? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? OH WAIT, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE YOUR PROBLEMS? HOLY ZEUS!

Athena.

**"OK, everyone, I am the CEO of the gods." Zeus announced.**

**"What the hell is a CEO?" asked Aphrodite.**

**"Something Morpheus is to the minor Gods." Apollo smirked.**

**"Ha! Zeus is like obsessed with Morpheus." Aphrodite cackled.**

**"Oh gosh, this is going to be an in-joke for the next few millenia, isn't it?" Zeus sighed.**

**"Yes." said everyone else in unison.**


	5. Chapter 5

"**Aaaaannnnd… who votes to try and put Hades into Tartarus****?" Zeus, the new CEO of the Olympians announced.**

"**Trust me, Zeus, I would love to, except we're not allowed." Athena sighed.**

"**I guess we can all read the mail then." Apollo sighed, then went back to reading "Apollo the Awesome's Awesome Poems."**

"**You're a pathetic narcissist. Reading your own shi-CRAPPY poetry." Artemis snapped.**

"**Mail!" Aphrodite shrieked.**

"**I wonder if Bethany Suckham wrote me." Hera mused.**

Dear Gods,  
I broke into camp half-blood and stole Greek Flames. I also know a back way into Olympus! Apollo you suck! Zeus leave women alone, Hera, hallelujah to marriages, Artemis men are stupid, Hephaestus, if you dare to attack them I the guardian angel of all time will destroy you! Aphrodite stop being a brat, Ares break up with her already, Dionysus you need friends! Demeter I use to love cereal but am lactose intolerant so GET OVER YOURSELF! Hades treat Persephone right or her mother will kill you! Also I'm telling you Hermes give George and Martha some rats cuz they awsome! Olympus will burn with Greek fire!  
That guy who loves to give un-asked for advice.  
P.S Athena be nice we mortals can't help our stupidness!  
P.P.S Hera I'm a fan of your powers!

P.P.P.S BTW Aphrodite, you might be a brat but you're still hot! Please date my friend, Random Mortal Guy. His moping is getting reeeaaaally annoying. And he sent you these dresses.

(Thank you to goodorevilangel for this.)

Dear Gods

Lololololoooooooo! La la-laaaaaah, la la laah, lol, haha.  
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho, oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!  
Oh-ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho, lo-lo-loooo!  
Oh-ho-ho-ho-hoooooo!  
Lololololo, lololo, lololol, la la la la yaah!  
Trolololo la, la-la-la, la-la-la-  
Oh hahahaho! Hahaheheho! Hohohoheho! Hahahaheho!  
Lolololololololo, lololololololol, lololololololol, lololo LOL!  
Oh-ho-ho-ho-hoooooo! La, la-laaaah, lalala, lol, haha.  
Lolololo-lololo-lololo, oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!  
Lolololo-lololo-lololo, oh-ho-ho-ho hooooooooooooooooooooo!

Hey gods! I was surfing the mortal Internet when I found this. It is awesome, right? It is a song to express my amusement at your situation.

Just so you know, I can't ever stop this. IT"S TOO FUNNY! Lolololololololol, lololololololol, lololololololol, lololol LOL!

Hades

(Thank you LordVader59)

"**Why are all these letters so long?" Zeus complained.**

"**Awww, are your poor eyes dying from so much actual effort, Morpheus obsessed?" Athena teased, still annoyed at being used as a PA.**

"**I am not Morpheus obsessed!"**

"**Suurrre…" said everyone.**

"**Seriously. Why does no-one respect me?" Zeus whined.**

Dear Hephaestus

It is Ying, the girl with a broken printer. Can you fix it, and make me an autotomato or whatever it is called? And fix Mark's house, Deb's lightbulb, Delphina's Italigreek villa, Valerie's German apartment and Pierre the stereotype of a french guy's chalet?

Ying

P.S: HA! This is another way to pwn you, since I'm not Mark, Deb or any of my other friends! Mwaha! TROLOLOLOL!

Dear Aphrodite

You heard my friend, That Guy who gives un-asked for advice! Date me, baby.

Random Mortal Guy

Dear Zeus

You SLEPT WITH Annabelisalia! So THAT'S why she's been weird all week. Demeter, get him! Make him eat cereal.

The Cereal Enthusiasts

P.S.: DO NOT get your fangirls to diss cereal, Apollo the Non- Awesome! Not cool!

Hey, Penfriend!

I reaally like wearing silver and other metallic colours. Right now I have on a silver sequin top, metallic blue leggings, metallic green shoes, a metallic purple cardigan, and I carry my black metallic bag with me everywhere! My husband is so irritating right now! He thinks he's the CEO! Duh, everyone knows he's the CFO!

Bethany Ursula Suckham.

Dear Gods

That guy who gives un-asked for advice gave me Greek fire! I am COMING FOR YOU! MWAHA! MWHAHAHAHA! TROLOLOLOL!

The PYROMANIAC!

Dear Zeus (+other gods)

TROLOLOLOL! I usually sympathize with you, but this is hilarious. Hades is giving me a daily newsfeed. Me and Amphitrite have not laughed so hard in ages.

Poseidon, from a totally peaceful underwater palace that is not being bombarded with mail.

"**Why is everyone TROLOLOLOLing us?" Apollo asked, looking up from 'Apollo the Awesome's Awesome Poetry Volume Two.**

"**Hades." Zeus growled.**

"**Let's write back." Ares sighed.**

Dear That guy who gives un-asked for advice.

Ha! Maybe talk-and-writes are good. Anyhow, leave me alone. And that isn't real Greek Fire. There is only one place where you can get it. And I am not going to tell you. Tell that to the PYROMANIAC too! Zeus

Thank you! Marriage is awesome (Unless you're me or Bethany Suckham). Hera.

I do not suck. In fact, according to a recent survey, I have 50 million fangirls. Take that! And here are some copies of the 'Apollo the Awesome's Awesome Poetry' volumes. I bet THOSE will change your mind! Apollo

I know, right! Artemis

I can attack them anyway, you puny mortal. Don't be stupid. Hephaestus.

I AM NOT A BRAT! IT IS ARES'S FAULT ANYWAY FOR GETTING ME A ROYAL BLUE TOGA! WHAT AN IDIOT! Aphrodite

Trust me dude, I've tried to do it. Ares

Excuse me! I have friends! Like…like, like…oh fine. Dionysus.

That is no excuse! Eat it dry. And screw those stupid added sugar ones. Everyone knows that simple, pure wheat pwns the rest. Also on behalf of Hades, since he did this, I will force him to eat cereal if he doesn't treat Sephy right. That is enough to make him behave. Demeter.

Sure, sure. Martha and George are awesome. Definitely more awesome than Apollo anyways **("Hey!")**.Hermes.

Dear Hades

That is a dumb song. And quit getting the mortals to use it.

Gods in general.

Dear Ying

I now include you in the list. You and the rest of your friends will pay if you write to me again (no matter what that guy who gives un-asked for advice says.)

Hephaestus

P.S.: Why should I make you an automaton if you don't even know how to pronounce or spell it!

Dear Stupid Mortal Guy

I don't care what your friend said. I don't want to date you. Me and Ares are very happy together. Right, Ares?** ("Yeah…")** Anyways, why should I take advice from a mortal?

Aphrodite

Dear Cereal Enthusiasts

Sorry about that. And Apollo's fangirls are right. Cereal does suck (take that, Demeter!)

Zeus

Dear Bethany

Sounds cool. I really think that something freaky is going on. Zeus thinks he's the CEO of us, just because Morpheus is.

Hera

"**Ooooh, Morpheus obsessed." Aphrodite taunted.**

"**Shut up." Zeus grumbled.**

Dear the PYROMANIAC

You do not have real Greek fire. That advice guy (too lazy to do the rest) is misinformed. Seriously, dude, just GIVE UP!

Artemis (who has do it AGAIN)

Dear Poseidon

You deserve to go to Tartarus. How dare you not help us in this time of need, you horrible person. How dare you TROLOLOLOL us! After we helped you chase away that sea monster.

Zeus

P.S.: I wish I didn't have brothers. Then this wouldn't have happened.

"**I don't think they're gonna help us!" Hera complained.**

"**Nope." Artemis sighed.**

"**This SUCKS!" Aphrodite complained.**

"**Not anymore, darling." Ares said, handing Aphrodite a toga. "See! Azure, just the way you wanted!"**

"**ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IT'S SAPPHIRE, YOU- YOU PLONK!"**


	6. Chapter 6

"**Why can't Hades just leave us alone?" Aphrodite whined.**

"**It's only Zeus who made him angry." Athena pointed out.**

"**Good point." Hera put in "Come on, CEO! Fix this! You're the boss, right?"**

"**Morpheus obsessed." muttered everyone.**

"**Shut up." Zeus grumbled. "I would use the Master Bolt, except Hephaestus killed the power again."**

"**It wasn't just me. Apollo was overloading it while reading all of his own descriptions created by his fangirls."**

"**I have one." Artemis put in. "Narcissistic, arrogant, too much hair gel, writes bad poetry and sits around playing a mini harp.**

"**It's a LYRE!" he shouted.**

"**Mail's here, guys." Ares said, throwing mail at everyone.**

Dear Zeus

TROLOLOLOL! That song never gets old. FYI, this will go on until the human race dies out. So don't get you hopes up. BTW, I heard that you're like a CEO or something. MORPHEUS OBSESSED!"

Ha! Kudos to the rest of the Olympians. Ick, I can't believe I just SAID that.

Anyways, have a nice few aeons!

Your dear brother Hades

Dear Gods

I heard that you are me-obsessed. HA! Anyways, Hades hooked us up with a live feed to your distress. It's very funny. But it won't be as funny as when we get you with NUCLEAR WEAPONS! Hahahahahahaha! RADIOACTIVTY RULE!

Morpheus, CEO of the minor Gods.

_I should be CEO!  
_

Get off my letter, Snowus. Even without a talk-and-write, you are still invading official documents. You're down to 5 drachmas.

Dear Artemis

My sister sucks! The only reason I haven't written to you before is because Deedee kept stealing all the paper to write to Apollo. She's one of his 50million fangirls. Anyway, she keeps trying to teach herself the mini harp and she won't stop spouting bad poetry. I went to the doctor and he said my ears were messed up. I suspect Deedee. Any advice?

Stella, sister of Deedee the president of the fangirls of Apollo.

"**She is like my soul sister or something. Maybe she can join the hunt." Artemis mused.**

"**Give me that." Apollo read the letter.**

"**COME ON! IT' S A LYRE! AND 'APOLLO THE AWESOMES' ARE NOT BAD!"**

Dear Hephaestus

I think me, Ying, Mark, Deb, Pierre, Valerie, and Delphina can start a club. I'm Simon, a broke DIY failure. Can you please help us? Delphina's Italigreek Villa is TRASHED. We held an awesome party.

Simon

P.S.: We're going to keep pwning you no matter what.

P.P.S: Anyway how many drackmas (is that how you spell it) do you want?

"**I really hate those guys." Hephaestus sighed.**

Dear Apollo

We were gonna write back, except the rain ruined our paper. Anyways, what the frick is the Apollo Scale? Just give us some sun, you pathetic, narcissistic, elitist, hair-gel covered god.

Pale, sun-starved British people.

"**I agree with them too!" Artemis said. "Maybe mortals deserve more credit."**

Dear Gods

Of course I have Greek Fire. Don't be ridiculous.

The PYROMANIAC!

Dear Gods

Zeus, I heard you slept with my sister, Agony Aunt. I will kill you. Hera, I like the fact that you're breaking down mortal-olympian barriers. Demeter, pure cereal sucks. Everyone likes the sugary ones anyways. Aphrodite, get over your obsession with the shades of blue. For crying out loud, Ares, BREAK UP WITH HER! Hephaestus, just help Mark and his crew. Apollo, use less hair gel! And your poetry just reinforced my opinion that you suck. Artemis be the bigger person and stop quarrelling. Athena be nice to slang words. Pwn, BTW and FYI are awesome, and I'm sure Pwna, BTW-us and FYI-A would agree. Dionysus, get friends. And a life. Hermes, you rock those winged shoes. Laters!

That guy who gives un-asked for advice.

Hi Dionisus/Winuss!

We wood hav writtin bak erlyer, exsept wee wer so hi that we fagot how to writ! Anyways, cann we PLEESE HAV SUME FRIE STUF? BTW, WEE HAVINT REMEMBURD HAU TO SPELLL YETT!

Partyers hoo arr reilly, reilly high!

P.S.: Minerr godds arr wae wae niser than yoo! Cocaina payd uss a vissit yestaday and gavee uss sum cocane!

Dear Athena

BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN PWN WE HAVE BECOME ONE! WE EXIST TO TORTURE YOU WITH ABBREVIATIONS FOREVER!

THE BTW GIRL AND PWN GUY.

P.S.: A SIDE EFFECT IS THAT WE WILL ALWAYS WRITE IN CAPITALS!

Dear Apollo

Can you teach me the lyre?

Trudi the musical woman

"**What is wrong with mortals? And how can those abbreviation people merge?" Athena complained. "This is not fair! I WANT TO KNOW!"**

"**And people call me bratty!" Aphrodite mused.**

"**Because you are! ANYWAYS, I GET SORTA FREAKED OUT IF I DON'T KNOW SOMETHING!" Athena stormed.**

"**I'll book a double session with Meditatea." Hera said from the phone. "Hello? HEPHAESTUS! FIX THE POWER! AGAIN!"**

Dear Hades

You better fix this, or I'll- actually I can't do anything, it's part of the contract, but I will find a way around it!

Zeus

Dear Morpheus

Looks like you aren't respected as a CEO! LOLZ!

Zeus

Dear Stella

I sympathize with you so, so much! Can we be penpals? I have been searching for a mortal teen who isn't a fangirl of Apollo for years! You have just improved my day by a millionfold!

Artemis

Dear Simon

Can you just ask my Roman equivalent? Volcano, Vulan, I can't remember his name. and I will kill you and the rest of them (too lazy to do names) if they write me again! Actually, I'm killing anyone who writes to me again wanting me to fix stuff! Hire a flipping workman! Or just do it yourself, how hard can it be?

Hephaestus

Dear Brits

Is that what they call you? Well, the Apollo Scale of Awesomeness changes, and you've NEVER been on it. Do something cool, for Zeus's sakes! Like, have some decent beaches with some decent weather.

Apollo the Awesome

P.S.: I have enclosed the first 5 volumes of 'Apollo the Awesome's Awesome Poetry." I hope this helps. Maybe if you guys post some good reviews.

Dear PYROMANIAC

YOU DON'T HAVE FLIPPING GREEK FIRE!

Athena (who has to do it since she didn't get any other letters)

Dear That Guy who gives un-asked for advice

Yeeeahhh….sorry about that. But you can't kill me, I'm IMMORTAL! Ha, I pwned you! Zeus

Well, Bethany Suckham is cool. But the rest of you are mostly idiots. Hera.

Sugar taints the name of cereal. And not everyone likes the sugary kind! I don't, and plenty of mortal children eat proper cereal.

I don't have an obsession! Anyways, there's a massive different between royal, sapphire and azure. Aphrodite.

Why won't you believe me? I have tried! Ares.

No way. Even though it might be easier to help them, I'm stubborn, I'm not giving in. Anyways, what do you know about this? Hephaestus.

Apollo the Awesomes are awesome. I do not suck! And I only use like half a can a day! Anyway, how else will my hair go the epic way it does? Apollo.

I have tried, but he just starts reading his terrible poetry! Artemis

No matter how awesome you find slang, I don't like it, and people who are trying to force it on me deserve to go to Tartarus. I might call Hades. Athena.

I HAVE A LIFE! DIONYSUS! (Oh my god, who turned the Caps Lock on on the talk-and-write?)

Cheers, dude! Do you want me to send you a pair? Hermes

DEAR HIGH PARTIERS

PLEASE REMEMBER HOW TO SPELL! Hephaestus, what have you done to the system, for Zeus's sake? Why is EVERYTHING Auto-Set to Caps Lock? Maybe it's good that you won't help Mark and his crew! They're saved!

Anyways, you guys obviously don't need more free stuff. And calm down that wine guzzling. Taste it, like a civilised human!

Dion_**y**_sus (learn how to flipping spell, please. Even better, don't write to me ever again!)

Dear Combined Slang Humans

Don't write to me. Your words suck! And tell that to the minor gods who represent you (there's really been a population explosion of minor gods, hasn't there?)

Athena

Dear Trudi

Finally, someone who doesn't call it a 'lyra' or a 'mini harp'! But no, I won't teach you personally, but here is an enclosed copy of 'Teach Yourself the Lyre". And (duh) some Apollo the Awesomes.

Apollo the Awesome.

"**Seriously, will this ever end?" Athena asked herself. "Am I the only sane one?" she continued.**

**Artemis was hitting Apollo with 'Apollo the Awesome's Awesome Poetry Volume 8' while Apollo tried to **_**brush her hair? **_**Zeus and Hera were screaming, Hephaestus was giving himself electric shocks on purpose(?), Aphrodite was shouting at Ares for something, Dionysus was dancing around like a weirdo (good luck getting THAT mental image out), Demeter was crying over a pile of cereal-**

**Oh wait, Ares was presenting Aphrodite with a new toga. Turns out THAT'S azure! Now they're happy-**

"**OH MY GOSH! This is vine pattern!"**

**Back to screaming. And Hermes was flying around going Wheeeee!**

"**I think everyone's going insane." Athena said to herself.**


	7. Chapter 7

"**Everyone is sane! Hooray!" Athena said. "Thanks, Psychoanalystus!"**

"**We're still pwning you." Psychoanalystus disappeared.**

"**Damn…" Athena muttered.**

"**Letters-letters-letters-trolololol-" A robot appeared. "I-am-the-Hades-robot. I-bring-all-the-mail-and TORTURE YOU FOR ETERNITY! MWA-HA! MWA-HA!"**

**Aphrodite and Apollo screamed and it threw the letters at them. "MWA-HA! MWA-HA!"**

"**Owwwww, I have a paper cut!" Apollo whined.**

"**Shut up, prissy!" Artemis snapped, pinging an arrow at him.**

"**Hey! Y'know, I have Archery Skill-"**

"**And mine's better!" They started shooting at each other.**

"**STOP IT!" Zeus shouted.**

"**Ooooh…CEO's angry…" Apollo and Artemis said simultaneously.**

"**DID WE JUST AGREE ON SOMETHING?" Artemis screamed.**

"**YEP!" Apollo responded.**

"**AAAAAAAAAH!" They both shrieked.**

"**This-mail-is-very-heavy-" The Hades robot, who everyone had forgotten about for a few lines, said.**

"**OK! Mail reading! Go!" Zeus said.**

"**You can't tell us what to do!" put in everyone.**

"**Yeah, CEO!" Apollo yelled.**

"**Shut up!"**

"**Peace, guys!"**

"**Hestia? Where did you come from?" asked everyone incredulously.**

"**I have turned. I obey Morpheus and I'm totally helping to pwn you! I'm just here to tell you that! Cheers!"**

"**Pwn! Again!" Athena muttered angrily.**

"**OK, after that really long introduction, let's ACTUALLY read the mail!" Hera said.**

Dear some of the Gods- not bothered to write anymore,

Hey, I am now called Angel. Anyways, here is my un-asked for advice

Hephaestus, would you dare attack Persephone's favorite kid, who by the way is female, and if you are annoyed by Aphrodite's slutty ways ask Hera for a divorce!  
Hera-I so wish I was the goddess of marriage! I could help so many people! Also all the flowers and butterflies at weddings! :)  
Aphrodite- don't be a slut! You ruined every relationship I have ever had! So stop being a brat and help people find their perfect matches.  
Ares, I thought you were a god of WAR not weaklings! Stand up and end your dating of Aphro-brate I hope you find someone more your style, like Eros goddess of strife!  
Artemis, can I make Apollo fade he tried to kill me with poetry! I wish I could join the hunt but I don't think that I've experiencedlove yet...  
Zeus DO NOT HURT HERA ANYMORE UNLESS YOU WANT TO FADE... 

Dear Artemis and Apollo

Apollo, you suck. Do you know we created an Anti- Fangirls of Apollo group? 20million and counting! Ha! Soon we will beat the Fangirls of Apollo group!

Artemis, I bet you're happy! I have a twin sister called Luna and we would love to be your penpal. _The only reason I didn't write last time is that Deedee stole all the paper!_

Stella _and Luna,_ co-presidents of the Anti-Fangirls of Apollo.

"**This is the best day of my life!" Artemis shrieked.**

"**And mine! They used beat and not pwn!" Athena shrieked.**

"**An anti-Apollo group? Noooooooo!" Apollo complained, sinking to his knees in a very dramatic way.**

"**He-will-fade. I-will-make-him-fade. Mwa-ha. Mwa-ha." said the Hades robot.**

"**I like this robot!" Artemis said.**

"**Will-destroy-all-poetry-of-Apollo. Mwa-ha. Mwa-ha."**

"**Yes!" said everyone.**

Dear Apollo

DECENT BEACHES WITH DECENT FUCKING _WEATHER_!? We can't get decent weather if you don't give us sun! We have LONDON, for Zeus's sake! And tons of ART! In tons of galleries. We have artistic stuff! We are awesome and we need some SUN!

Brits

P.S.- Your poetry sucked so much that we just can't post good reviews, even if it will get us sun.

Dear Apollo

Thanks for the lyre book. I'm progressing fast, on grade 4. But your poetry SUCKED! Sayonara to Olympians, I'll just find an ancient Roman instrument to bother with. I will never annoy you again.

Trudi

Dear Gods

I love your distress. It's very funny. It's so funny that I gave Hades a free holiday to my peaceful, non-letter-bombarded palace! I might give him more credit. And I posted that video of Dionysus to Youtube. 100 million hits, dude!

Poseidon

"**Poseidon is a dead one. I will drown him in wine!" Dionysus said**

"**He's immortal, smartass!" Demeter said. "And I will smother him with cereal to torture him!"**

"**Are you kidding? Wine is better!" The argument shouted.**

"**Yo, Morpheus obsessed!" Athena yelled.**

"**I AM ZEUS!" Zeus shouted in anger, raising the master bolt. "Ow! Electric shock."**

"**Well, anyway, Morphobsessed, I think I-"**

**Crackle. Fizzle. BANG!**

"**NOOOOOOOOO! The solution to the Hades thing has died along with the power!" Athena screamed.**

"**HEPHAESTUS! FIX THE FUCKING POWER!" Hera yelled.**

Dear Gods

I'M BAAACK! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHTROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

FUNNY CLOWN (Hey wait, it was on Auto Caps-Lock?)

Dear Hephaestus

Hi I'm Manja, the total stereotype of an Indian girl. PLEEEAAASSE help us. My mini replica of the Taj Mahal is wrecked (told you I'm a stereotype). I think Miley payed us a visit! Anyways, help all of my friends!

Manja

P.S.: I still don't get what we're paying for. I thought you were a nice god and would do gratuity service.

P.P.S.: You're the fricking god of repairs! Isn't it easier to just wave your ugly hands and fix our stuff then argue?

P.P.P.S.:We are gonna pwn you no matter what! Mwa-ha. Mwa-ha.

P.P.P.P.S.: The Hades robot has gone viral all over YouTube. YouTubeus is ecstatic. 500 million views, bitches!

P.P.P.P.P.S.: Have I done too many postscripts?

"**I-am-here-forever. At-least-until-the-mortals-plague-you-with-more-mail. But-I-will-always-come-back. Mwa-ha. Mwa-ha." The Hades robot started bumping against Zeus's feet, so he kicked it.**

"**I WILL MASTER BOLT YOU! Wait, what in the name of me? How-HEPHAESTUS! FIX THE POWER OR GET MASTER BOLTED! PLUS 500000000 MORE EXCLAMATION MARKS!" Zeus yelled.**

"**You-aren't-scary. Your-bolt-sucks. You-cannot-bolt-me. I-have-insulted-king-of-gods. Can-tick-number-7-off-bucket-list. Hoor-ray. Hoor-ray."**

"**Writing back would be a good idea." Artemis said.**

"**Yeah…." Apollo murmured.**

"**DID WE JUST AGREE ON THE SECOND THING IN ONE CHAPTER?" Artemis yelled.**

"**YEP!"**

"**AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE HADES ROBOT IS HAPPENING TO US?" they screamed simultaneously.**

"**Wait, isn't it supposed to be 'in the name of Zeus'?" Athena put in.**

"**Yeah…." Apollo and Artemis said at the same time.**

"**What?" Artemis asked.**

"**Third thing." Apollo said, with a terrified look on his face.**

"**AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

"**After the really long bridge from letter-reading to writing back, let's write back!" Demeter cheered.**

Dear Angel

Who in the name of the Hades robot is the daughter of Persephone? Deb, Valerie, Ying or Manja? Hephaestus. P.S.: I DID ASK FOR A DIVORCE YOU KNOW. BUT HERA WON'T LET ME. SHE THINKS THAT THIS IS MY PUNISHMENT FOR NOT LOOKING ON THE INSIDE. Wait, what in the name of the Hades robot? This system is full of glitches. I've got to get a new one? I hate auto Caps-Lock!

Thanks. But I am THE goddess of marriage. But if you are a demigod, you can train with me. But I will still be supreme. Hera.

I'm not a slut. Looked in the mirror recently? (Actually, I don't know what you look like, I just thought that was a good comeback) And I don't ruin relationships. All I do is instruct Cupid to do it. Aphrodite.

Fantastic idea! I'll go on GodlyDating right now! Aphrodite, we are done! Ares

"**Um, no way!" Aphrodite said.**

"**Hey, no dialogue in the middle of letters!" Athena shouted.**

"**Shut up, The-The!" Ares snapped. "Aphrodite, I'm done!"**

"**No, we're not!"**

"**I can fight you!"**

"**I've got your weapons."**

"**Dinner tonight at eight?"**

"**Good."**

YES! MAKE APOLLO FADE! No, Hephaestus, it's not on auto Caps-Lock. I just do it that way! AND DESTROY ALL OF THE POETRY! I MEAN, IT GOT 10000000 BAD REVIEWS ON ! Artemis

You can't make me fade, mortal. Zeus.

Dear Stella and Luna

Really? You think I'm not absolutely awesome? There's something wrong with you! And let's see you play a LYRE (not a mini harp, or lyra) and write poetry up to the standard of Apollo the Awesomes! Apollo

"**I think she'll do a good job!" Artemis said.**

"**Sure." Apollo scoffed.**

"**Seriously guys, no bridges in the middle of letters!" Athena protested.**

Hey girls. I hate the fact that I have to share a letter with Apollo, but just saying, I love your idea. And write us some poetry. Please. Our eyes are damaged from the aeons of reading Apollo the Awesomes! Artemis, your new best friend.

Dear Brits

You see, before I existed and the world wasn't so awesome, weather was awful. But because I still don't know where you guys are in the world, I can't help. Later dudes! And, anyways, I definitely won't help you if you diss my poetry so! HURT!

Apollo

Dear Trudi

THANK YOU!

Gods

Dear Poseidon

FUCK YOU! 

Everyone.

Dear Funnny Clown

That was your funniest. But only because of the Auto Caps-Lock bit. Go to clown college.

Gods

Dear Manja

You are a stereotype. And you will pay with your happiness. HA! And that was way too many postscripts. And I am not a nice god. That's like saying Apollo is _**modest**_! And I had to underline, italic and bold that because it is so untrue! And I am stubborn, and I won't help you.

Hephaestus

"Have you got a solution yet?" Zeus asked.

"Nope. The new system Hephaestus put in is causing the program to be a screw-up."

"Hephaestus, you cause SO MANY of the problems around here! Master bolt ti- CHARGING NEEDED?" Zeus plugged in his bolt.

"Mwa-ha. Mwa-ha." The Hades robot laughed.

"This is all your fault." Athena said menacingly.

"Because of you, my electric spear is not working." Ares said even more menacingly.

"Ha, you copied your daught-aah!" Hephaestus scarpered.

"And this dude is still working?" Hera looked incredulously at the Hades robot.

"Mwa-ha. Mwa-ha."


End file.
